The Whole Thing Was Dreamed in Bed by Her at Home
ANNOUNCER: Afternoon Drama on the BBC.
FX: BBC INTRODUCTION MUSIC, KEEP BUT FADE DOWN UNDER:
ANNOUNCER: We present to you Lizzie Barrow as the Voice Over, Amanda Demure, Jeanette Grove, Rosie Malone, Daisy Frost and Fudge the Cat. Lizzie has also appeared in numerous Shakespeare plays, including Hamlet, Macbeth and the Tempest, as well as the Sleeping Beauty pantomime of 2012, as a background dancer. This is an original mystery drama by Allegra Haze, The Whole Thing Was Dreamed by Her in Bed at Home.
V.O The story begins in a British prison for the criminally insane.
SCENE 1 INT: PRISONERS’ WARD
CUTS TO STEADY SNORING SOUNDS AND FAINT MURMURS. UNEVEN FOOTSTEPS, SUGGESTING A LIMP, DOWN A LONG STONE CORRIDOR. A DOOR QUICKLY OPENS AND SLAMS SHUT.
JEANETTE: (OFF) Checks!
AMANDA: (WAKES WITH A GASP) Do you always have to wake me? Surely a woman of 42, like yourself, with a slender figure and soft dainty red curls could creep in quietly!
JEANETTE: (APPROACHING) Let me do my checks please, I am your warden after all. (SIGH) You are in bed, good. You have been a prisoner for two years now, you know to speak to me better than that! Let me look at you. 24… 5”4… blonde hair… green eyes… not thin… but not fat… not changed at all! If I were you I would have laid off the lasagne at dinner!
AMANDA: I would have had salad too if it wasn’t for the harvest, damn you!
FX: THUD OF SOMETHING BEING THROWN ACROSS THE ROOM.
JEANETTE: Listen here, Amanda. You leave this mystery alone. Forget about the harvest and live your life.
AMANDA: I won’t rest until this mystery has been solved. Something very mysterious is happening indeed.
FX: MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYS.
DOOR CLOSES FAR OFF. UNEVEN FOOTSTEPS, SUGGESTING A LIMP, DOWN A LONG STONE CORRIDOR.
MUSIC FADES. STEADY SNORING SOUNDS AND FAINT MURMURS.
ROSIE: Wake up! It is 7.00am! I have already gone for a brisk walk and had two trips to the toilet.
AMANDA: Ah, my dear friend, Rosie. How long have we been friends now?
ROSIE: Four months. Since 4.00pm, 5th July 2014, on a warm summer’s day.
I remember it well…
FX: NOSTALGIC MUSIC PLAYS AND FADES OVER:
AMANDA: That was the afternoon we discovered that we had both been imprisoned for traffic-related crimes. I was smuggling children and you stole Craig David’s car. What a coincidence indeed! You know he has been nominated for a Brit Award 12 times and never won? Outrageous. You have to look at his immaculate songs and question this abomination. There is not a single person who gets up on a Monday and neglects to sing ‘Seven Days’. Bo’ Selecta has to be blamed. Craig had so much potential before Leigh Francis. I really thought he would go somewhere, you know?
FX: SOUND OF ROCKET TAKING OFF AND LAUNCHING INTO SPACE WITH A BANG, SYMBOLISING CRAIG DAVID’S POTENTIAL AS AN ARTIST.
SCENE 2 INT: CAFETERIA
FX: SOUNDS OF CUTTING UP FOOD AND FILLING TWO GLASSES WITH WATER, CARRIES ON OVER THE FOLLOWING:
DAISY: Amanda! You were daydreaming again.
AMANDA: But why are you cutting up my lunch? You have been my worst enemy over these two years.
FX: FOOD CUTTING STOPS AND WATER STILL POURS.
DAISY: The harvest has destroyed us all. (LONG SILENCE)
I heard your checks last night with Jeanette, the warden.
FX: POURING SOUND TURNS INTO EERIE DROPS OF WATER.
AMANDA: The harvest! What do you know of this mystery? You must tell me. I have great plans to reveal the criminal and get granted leave of this foul place.
ROSIE: The harvest… I remember it well…
FX: DROPPING SOUND FADES OUT AND CHAINSAW FADES IN. CUTS TO BUSY TRAFFIC. CAR STOPS, DOOR OPENS AND SLAMS SHUT, FOOTSTEPS. SOUND OF DIVING INTO WATER. LAUGHTER, RUNNING, FALLING DOWN, GASPS AND CRYING, SHOWER RUNNING. FOOTSTEPS, OPENS CAR DOOR, SLAMS SHUT, CAR DRIVES OFF, BUSY TRAFFIC, CHAINSAW.
DAISY: And that is why I am called Daisy.
FX: CUTTING UP FOOD.
AMANDA: I always thought it was because of your white complexion and golden hair, along with your fragility and innocence reflected in your eyes, since you are not yet 21?
DAISY: There, you are wrong. Once again.
FX: FOODTRAY BEING PUSHED ACROSS A WOODEN TABLE TOWARDS AMANDA.
AMANDA: (OUTRAGED) Damn you, Daisy. I will get to the bottom of this mystery.
DAISY: Calm down and eat your lunch. A watched mystery never boils.
AMANDA: (LAUGHTER) Nice try, mocking my hot-headedness. I see what you’re up to Daisy.
FX: OVER THE TOP SOUND EFFECT OF CHEWING FOOD AND SPITTING IT OUT.
AMANDA: I cannot eat this! I am allergic and would die instantly!
FX: DAISY LAUGHING.
AMANDA: Damn you, Daisy. I should have known better than to momentarily believe that we could be friends. We are still enemies.
FX: AMANDA THROWS FOODTRAY ACROSS THE TABLE AND RUNS OUTSIDE.
SCENE 3 EXT: PRISON YARD
FX: SOUNDS OF BIRDS, STRONG WIND AND A LAWNMOWER.
ROSIE: Amanda! I have been looking for you in all kinds of places.
AMANDA: Oh, Rosie, my dear friend of four months. Am I glad to see you!
ROSIE: I have a secret task for you. It is of urgency.
FX: PAPER NOISE.
AMANDA: What is this? A note! But Rosie, you know I cannot read it. Daisy broke my glasses and there are no contact lenses in prison. It really is a travesty that we live in such a desolate place without even the human right of sight and the freedom to choose how we may see. One day, I hope to run this place. I shall start small and focus on building up the library then plot my escape through a hole in the wall. I would do right by everyone. Even damn Daisy.
DAISY: You called?
AMANDA: Daisy! But where is Rosie?
DAISY: She is gone now. What is this note?
FX: PAPER NOISE.
AMANDA: You mustn’t read it. It is of upmost importance and a very secret secret-mission.
FX: PAPER NOISE.
AMANDA: Damn you, Daisy! You stole my note! We shall always be enemies.
DAISY: (LAUGHING) I have just read the note and you shall never know what it says. I know you cannot read.
FX: (PAPER NOISE SAME AS ABOVE, TO SHOW THE NOTE HAS BEEN SNATCHED)
AMANDA: That is where you are wrong. I have never needed glasses or contacts at all! It was all a rouse to build my way to the top of this place!
DAISY: Damn you-
AMANDA: (IN A RUSSIAN ACCENT) No. Damn you.
FX: FADE IN MYSTERIOUS MUSIC AND KEEP UNDER:
V.O: That same night, Amanda stalked the halls of the cold, dark prison and carefully avoided the nine security cameras and three night wardens (Luckily Joan was sleeping on shift again).She snaked around the final corner, like a cobra, and slipped in to Heidi’s room without making a single sound. There, the tragedy of the harvest all made sudden sense to her, like being hit by a bus. She knew what he had to do next. She followed the instructions written on Rosie’s crumpled up, hand-written note. She began with the right, and then the left, then right again, and eventually carried out the task fully. Satisfied in the night’s endeavours, she crawled back to her room on her hands and knees. The laser motion detectors came on at quarter past one and she made damn sure that they wouldn’t catch her in her navy nightie and brown toed-sandals.
It wasn’t until she was in bed that she knew who was to blame for the harvest…
FX: FADE OUT MUSIC.
CLIMATIC MUSIC SHRILLY PLAYS TO BUILD TENSION AND COMES TO AN ABRUPT END.
SCENE 4 INT: PRISONERS’ WARD
FX: TENSION MUSIC STARTS AND FADES OVER:
AMANDA: Ah ha! It was you all along! How could you? My dear friend, Rosie.
FX: INCREASE OF TENSION IN MUSIC.
ROSIE: However did you guess it was me?
AMANDA: Well, it all became clear when I connected you to this cat. How could you be so stupid to brush his fur last Saturday?
FX: INCREASE OF TENSION IN MUSIC.
ROSIE: Last Saturday? But last Saturday I was held in the chokey…
AMANDA: (SAID TO THE CAT) You better run. I don’t know how you got in to this prison, but escape as you came!
FX: LENGTHY MEOWING EVENTUALLY FADES OUT.
AMANDA: That’s right! But if it wasn’t you, then who-
DAISY: It was me!
FX: TENSION IN MUSIC CLIMAXES THEN FADES.
AMANDA: Damn you, Daisy.
DAISY: I tried to gain your trust but that wasn’t working. I read your secret note and followed you on your mission tonight. Your friendship with Rosie has all been a lie, constructed by me to distract you from the tragedy of the harvest and to stop you from making it to the top and escaping this place once and for all.
AMANDA: Rosie? Is this true? Rosie-
FX: CONFUSED MUSIC BEGINS PLAYING AND OVER:
DAISY: Do I look familiar?
AMANDA: It cannot be!
DAISY: It is. I am both Rosie and Daisy. Friend and foe.
FX: CONFUSED MUSIC CUTS TO DRAMATIC ACTION MUSIC WHICH CONTINUES TO PLAY OVER:
METAL CLINK OF A KNIFE AND LIGHT SABER SOUND EFFECT. CLUTTER OF FOOTSTEPS, GASP, FALL TO THE GROUND, METAL SCRAPE, HEAVY BREATHING, LIGHT SABER HIT, TERRIFIED SCREAM, THUD. AGGRESSIVE SCREAM, SOUND OF AN ORANGE BEING CRUSHED IN A HAND, INTAKE OF BREATH, CHAINSAW. RUNNING DOWN A CORRIDOR, NUMEROUS SCREAMS, SOUND OF A FLY BEING SWATTED ONTO A TABLE, SCREAM OF AGONY, OOZING OF BLOOD, HEAVY BREATHING, SOUND OF LIGHT SABER BEING TURNED OFF.
SCENE 5 INT: BEDROOM AT HOME
FX: LIGHT SWITCH SOUND, FOOTSTEPS, SOUND OF REALISATION, GASP.
AMANDA: It was all a dream, dreamt by myself, in my bed, in my family home.
AMANDA: Hello, Fudge! Why, you were there too! It was all so strange…
FUDGE: If you think about it, it was never really that strange. Freud argued centuries ago that we use our dreams to analyse events experienced from our conscious mind. You’ve been very concerned these past few days about losing your contacts and have been listening incessantly to Craig David.
AMANDA: You are right, Fudge, as always! (LAUGHS) But how did I come up with the girls and the prison-setting?
FUDGE: That’s easy. You suffer from an identity disorder. You should probably stop talking to your cat-identity right now before they put you back into a hospital.
AMANDA: Damn you! (LAUGHS) You are right though, once again.
FX: LIGHT-HEARTED LAUGHTER, FADES OUT TO FINISH.
ANNOUNCER: (SPINNING IT OUT – THE PLAY HAS UNDERRUN) You have been listening to the original mystery drama The Whole Thing Was Dreamed by Her in Bed at Home, by Allegra Haze, with Lizzie Barrow as the Voice Over, Amanda Demure, Jeanette Grove, Rosie Malone, Daisy Frost and Fudge the Cat. Lizzie has also appeared in numerous Shakespeare plays, including Hamlet, Macbeth and The Tempest, as well as the Sleeping Beauty pantomime of 2012, as a background dancer.